Overcome the Stages of Grief (Part 4) | SELF RELIANCE WORKS

Bargaining can be another layer of grief.

One of the five stages of grief is referred to as bargaining. The denial of a loss or a trauma subsides and the anger begins to simmer. There is a realization that a loved one was taken for granted, or a traumatic experience could have been avoided. Beneath the anger, lies a layer of emptiness. Life is dramatically altered, and one would do anything, give everything, to have their former life back.

My experiences with bargaining have correlated with specific dates, such as holidays and birthdays and accomplishing significant milestones or goals. I was thirteen the first year I spent Christmas without my father. I remember thinking throughout the day, ?I would give back all my presents just to see my dad alive and decorating the tree.?? Bargaining does not necessarily mean one wants to bargain material objects. One can bargain emotions, such as pride or happiness. In high school, I chose a self-reliant route to receiving a diploma. I home-schooled myself, taking on twice the workload, and I graduated a year early. I felt horrible for reaching a goal, without my father?s presence. I thought, ?Why did I do this when my dad could not be here to see it happen??

Over the years, I have learned that bargaining can?take quality away from life and replace it with dread and disappointment. ? I think a deceased loved one would encourage their survivors to enjoy their lives and to cherish moments, gifts, and each other?s company. I think a deceased loved one would most certainly applaud their survivors as they obtain self-esteem by working hard and find success. I think a deceased loved one would want their survivors to not only survive, but thrive.?Bargaining throughout my loss influenced me to feel pessimistic about my life?s purpose and direction. I have realized that a person does not have to lose control over their life because of a loss. There are so many ways in keeping one?s spirit and the memory of a loved one alive. Listening to their favorite song or album, while getting teary eyed. Partaking in one of their favorite activities, with a friend or not. Volunteering for an organization that supports cures or provides spiritual/emotional comfort.?Life after loss is painfully bittersweet; however, the loss does not have to make one?s life unbearable.

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Megan Murphy does not bargain her standards and ambitions because of a loss. She keeps her father?s memory alive by taking long drives, while listening to The Rolling Stones.

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Source: http://www.self-reliance-works.com/2012/08/overcome-the-five-stages-of-grief-part-4/

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